the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
