Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
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