shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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