There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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