hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
