Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
