Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
