I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
