PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
