Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
