so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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