Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
