He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
