Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
ok first of all what the fuck
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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