i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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