Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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