i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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