I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
