I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
