im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
