yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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