I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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