you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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