How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
