Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
