Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
