Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
