i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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