I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
