1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
