Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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