ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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