hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
