Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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