Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
