I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just found puke in my bra..
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
