I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
