I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
