Only a mothe r could love this liver
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
