You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
