I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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