I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
