I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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