I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
