I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize