there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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