Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
