I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Randomize
