Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
