My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
