Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Randomize
