Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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