I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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