it was like fucking gandolphs beard
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
