i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
