Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just googled if crying burns calories
I want her autograph on my taint
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
