I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
