Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm just crazy horny about you
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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