I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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