Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
