drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
