shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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