this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
